Shovel and a Paving Slab

If you want to know what it will sound like should you ever make some wrong decisions in life and end up at the Gates of Hades, allow me to play for you the Underworld Foyer favourite....




You may at this point ponder the correlation between the Title of this piece and the video you just watched. However, if you feel the way I do (MASSIVE HATE), you surely will not wonder at all.

I am a woman, upper bits and all. I am aware that what makes me, me has nothing to do with gender. It is simply me-based. I feel nauseous repulsion at the proposition that females, should need an hour long day time celebration of desperation and tampons. The concept is irresponsible and idiotic.

At this point I implore, if you are a female who considers this as an option when you sit down for a cup of tea, please be reminded, there are other things for you. Things much less painful. Things like a crossword, or dumping the tea you've just made into your lap would be far less excruciating. Just a thought.

So, there they are, the daytime talking haircuts. Slight fragrance of Chanel and regret. It seems their ideology is to bring a 'Girly' chat to the people at home, but in a televisual form. Now, even under duress, I wouldn't want to have a 'girly' chat with anyone, much less watch a group of 40 somethings do it whilst fondling unsuspecting male celebrities in the name of Equality.

I don't think they can feel embarrassment above the constant repetition of "Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves" by Aretha Franklin.

As an individual, I believe I have dignity. I believe I have strength of character and common sense. I have a calm constitution in most situations.

This show is on every week day, The Poundland Sex in the City. Smile montages and Fake Bake.

I have lately considered a call to OFCOM. If you cannot say the word shit before the watershed, surely it is not appropriate to put walking talking shit on Daytime TV and give it a theme tune.

I'm going to watch Dangermouse now.

I bid you good day.