Cash my Dignity

Hello and welcome to Solution Saturday. Today I will be discussing how you can lose all sense of self worth in 24 hours. 'Not possible' I hear you say. 'You are going to defecate undesirable word logic all over our wistful dreams again aren't you?' You may ask. The answer my friends, is yes. By the power of Greyskull and wit combined. Yes I am.

So let's get this shameless modern society massacre started shall we? Please enter Former Supermarket referee, Spray Tanned Minion of the Anti Christ...

I will initially describe the scene. Members of the public gathering in the town hall to for the Soul-less Desecration of their pride. The two gentlemen at the front are so captivated by the Trade Your Self Worth ethos that they have sold their own legs. The lady to the right is so devoid of morale at this point that the bargain bucket graphics designers have hidden her face.

The encouragement to stage a Time Team excavation of your entire property is not limited to your bracelets though. There is the animated HomeBuyer SuperHero, The phone buying Ugly stick victim who says 'Wonga' repeatedly and the spontaneous devils dance brigade of We Buy Any Car. Look at the image above, re-read the last sentence and tell me that you are not currently considering how best to conceal weapons and evade capture.

People are not even scraping the barrel anymore for human decency. They have sold the barrel at ValueMyWood.com. What have we done to our selves. The voices and songs related to this hateful assemblage are the sounds you will hear as they wheel you through the doors of the local mental health facility.

I think in the current economic climate, any advise contrary to the Instant Finance Death Coercion may fall on deaf ears. Ears with no earrings, no car, no phone, no home and no dreams.

I do however have, in my mind of many things, an extension to the current curriculum by which all children are thrust into reality after having spent 10 years learning about the relevance of World War 2 in gaining modern day employment. (Hitler was a shit, now go and practice your Excel spreadsheets) So from my imaginary podium, i say..

'Children, go forth and gain your education. Avoid programming that makes you feel that you are not good enough the way you are. Seek to obtain a good grade and ask your teachers to advise you on following any other subject that they do not cover. Gain your grades. If you cannot obtain a place at university or do not want to, then gain enough funding to travel and experience various cultures thus gaining valuable knowledge. Alternatively find employment and a residence. Find interests that exclude the following; WKD, Hollyoaks and park bench social events. Build up good credit through your employment and buy yourself a house. research the markets so that you may incur profit on the property at a later date. If you wish to have a partner take proper precautions so as not to prematurely impregnate or be impregnated. Marry them if you would like to. Create savings accounts by both working hard so that should you choose to procreate, your offspring will have the means for further education and gainful employment prospects. Dress yourself in clothing that you can afford. Be politically aware so you may form an appropriate response en mass should the seated government make decisions that negatively effect your finances. Demand respect and maintain your dignity.'

The seriousness of that paragraph is exclusive to the younger generation. Adults, I know not what to say to you anymore.

I bid you all good day.