I have low tolerance for tantrum throwing children, not all, the kind of children who turn over furniture in Argos after their mother denies their request for Lego. They land in a heap on the floor and form some kind of public protest slump. You know the ones I'm talking about.
If you are the parent of one of these children, this is not a break down of family dynamics that needs time out clocks, naughty steps and Jo Frost therapy. You don't have issues, this family has issues.
My reasoning for this post, I was in Homebase this morning buying a shelf. I witnessed what seemed like a human firework display going off in the paint aisle. A lady was trying to secure a small person who had obviously become upset and in order to demonstrate their frustration were throwing themselves into the Dulux. The small person landed on the floor and commenced with angry flailing star shapes. It was amazing. I was rather impressed, the flailing human then started to move the show along the floor in an effort to make aggressive contact with the now distraught mother, who had probably only come in for a tin of duckshell.
The grand finale was this one-stop tantrum shop acquiring his mothers bag, and lassoing it down the aisle where the contents promptly dispersed. One of the items landed close to my ankle so I made my way cautiously into the arena of conflict to return it to her. With a look of embarrassment she thanked me and explained briefly that the violent remix of Proms in The Park had been initiated by her refusal to give him a Kit Kat.
My presence obviously rendered her unable, in her mind, to appropriate any form of discipline, she turned and offered him a Kit Kat Ceasefire. He promptly returned to his chauffeur driven throne and awaited payment.
When did we, the adults, start entering hostage negotiations over snacks.
I never baby talk children. My generally firm tone secured me the title Scary Auntie Gemma. I retained the title for many years.
Although the Homebase mother will not be reading this, if your child is in Tesco's collapsing and spinning like a raging sprinkler over a bag of Wotsits, be reminded and take heart. You do not have to submit. You do not have to retreat or be afraid. Your child is testing you. Your child is extremely smart and quick witted, treat them as such.
They may seem to you miniature ticking time bombs in Mr Men Tshirts, but believe me, your child is no Damien Thorn.
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