A Sharp and Silent Satire

The World Wide Wonder is responsible for many things. Ebay, Wikipedia, Porn.... More Porn. It is a colourful array of pass time options. It is also fast becoming the main source of communication. Gone are the days when we would talk to each other and laugh together. We now LOL. It is a form of laughter without the laughter. I would bet money that when you LOL you are not actually laughing. LMAO and ROFL were beyond me, I had to 'Google' them. Short ways of conveying an action that your friend cannot see.


I am not behind the times or some kind of Anti-Web revolutionary, armed with fountain pens and stamps smashing modems in my Royal Mail cape. I am no superhero. This here, is a superhero...


So my reason for the Title today. Along with the joys of browsing the online Argos (much the same as going to the shop, but with less walking) and finding answers to questions that you would only ask when your comfort mask of Internet anonymous is strapped to your face, those of us who like to attempt humour and not spend our day obtaining champion wrist cramp, are lost here.

We are accused of being rude when quite clearly, to us, we are attempting to take tone on a screen. About as easy as getting a corset on a giraffe. An informative communication is taken as snappy and harsh. Obvious rules. If I give you a one word answer, that is an answer, yes? informative but brief. If I give the same answer and follow it with ShitSandwich, I am being rude to you. Which would you rather have. Peoples assumption that I am being short with them is bringing me ever closer to using the second one on a regular basis. '3pm' will change to '3pm ShitSandwich!' Nobody wants that. Let's all reach a resolution lovely people.

We are all human beings. Life is too short to spend it with you assuming, me replying, you expressing your feelings and retracting your assumption, me plotting against you.

I'll make it simple. I will end all hesitation and doubt in the world wide worries that befall some distressed, obsessed individuals. I feel for you, I want to help you, I know you need to convey your objections at peoples chosen form of wit. Allow me to present to you, an answer that you can use when considering your next complex and mesmerising post or message. I promise it will solve these ills.

Fuck Off.

....to the rest of you, I bloody well love you to pieces, you are all great. I want to hug you.