A Quantitive Easing/Dave Does Disbursement

No, readers, that is not a Tory Pornography 2 disc Set. That is 2011, in the form of a blog title. While we all Ninja Star our credit cards across the counter at Debenhams, and nurse Sale Sign related blindness on our DFS half price 'why did we buy this sofa' sofas, the government are sitting in the Downing Street Ship of Despair calculating how to turn your year into a Singing Dancing ShitFest.

The Creative Director of Demolition Briefcase The Musical is Chancellor of the Fun Police George Osborne.

Here he is looking concerned for your welfare.


Don't be fooled, under this mask of overwhelming sympathy, there lurks a grey predatory mind. If you stare at the picture for too long, your house will be subject to foreclosure.

The shining turd beacon, however, merrily floating at the centre of this epic financial toilet bowl, is the Human Event Horizon David Cameron, features drawing ever closer to the centre of his face, reputation drawing ever closer to total annihilation. Supporting him is the Captain of Trial Sized politics, Liberal Democrat kamikaze General Nick Clegg.

There you have the three main characters in the Cabinet production of 'Dude, Who Stole My Pension?' But they are not the architects of this travesty.

While they regale you with their TV show Ambiguous Information Weekly, the leaders of the major banks relieve you of your assets with all the criminal prowess of a shoplifting addict on day release. Aghast, i say. Shock. Well, no. They did it last year and the year before in broad daylight. They forced a gargantuan bailout arrangement , more than once, paid for by the general public, and then used their bailout to royally shaft the general public, rolling out explanations that would floor Marcus Du Sautoy.

So in the spirit of creative finances, and in return for the entertainment they have provided, I am considering a letter of request to the government, that we pay the extra 2.5% in feces and deliver it to the Banks largely responsible for the VAT increase. This may seem like an absurd form of currency, however that's a rough estimation of the GBP worth by 2012, and we are essentially bailing out the government so they can bailout the banks again. We are essentially saving on postage.

Failing that, and in exchange for the late Christmas Potential Bankruptcy Sweater that they have all sent us, I suggest we all club together and offer them all a coach trip to the side of the cliff where they will undoubtedly need to be once WikiLeaks gets a hold of them.

It wont be feces in exchange for 2.5% of anything. It will just be shit through their letter boxes.

So here's to 2011. Here's to the Cameron Floating Loyalty Band Wagon Complete with wrist restraints. Here's to the City Bankers. That's not a euphemism. You are bastards for what you have done.

Lastly, and most importantly, here's to us, sitting reluctantly on board, praying for the iceberg to move.

Seriously, Here's to us.